Love, friends, and relationships

So I found out today that a friend of mine, a chick who I’ve known now for something like 5 years has started a relationship with a new boyfriend. When she told me in an email, I felt like a brick had dropped on my stomach. This girl is someone who is pretty close to me, and we’ve shared a lot of good and bad times over the years. In many ways she’s been someone who has made feel like someone cared about me during those dark times in life when you feel like you have noone. This was especially true when I broke up with my last girlfriend two and a half odd years ago. She was someone who was there for me and helped keep me together when I was kinda falling apart.

The thing is, not so long ago she came over to visit me and she opened up her heart and said that she still had feelings for me and she wanted us to try to start a relationship together. At the time I could only really think of the stuff to do with us having a long distance relationship, rather than her and I together and what that would mean. Well to avoid this becoming a rant the size of a Tolstoy novel, I turned her down, for some reasons that made sense at the time. When she went back home though, I felt happy knowing that this girl cared a lot for me, and I meant something to her. That’s why I felt so hurt when I found out she is now with someone else; because I won’t be important to her anymore, or be a part of her life in a special way.

The fucked part is since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend I haven’t felt even close to feeling love, or being in love with any other girl that I have met. Fair enough if our breakup was only a few months back, but it’s been two and a half years?! Sometimes when I lie in bed at night, I think to myself that maybe I have had all the chances at love that I am going to get from Destiny. I made such a mess of the ones I’ve had that Destiny has turned around and withdrawn all further offers on account of me being useless. Yeah well it isn’t really often that I think like this, just when I am going through moments of self pity. But I do wonder how some people can just keep finding love with every second person they meet, and never seem to be out of a relationship for longer than a few weeks at a time.

I suppose the thing that really hurts is that I know that while I am still friends with this girl and we are part of each others lives (maybe not now after some of the things I said to her this afternoon) it will all change pretty quickly. Once that honeymoon feeling kicks in, I’m going to get forgotten about faster than the last years Big Brother winners!

But what can you do? Even in friendships, I guess you just have to learn to let go when it all changes.

Padwanna.

The Love, friends, and relationships by Mentalechoes, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.