Mentalechoes

Finally I’ve arrived at a point I have been trying to get to for what feels like ages; it’s time to get fucking serious; time to get out of this goddamned maudlin state I’ve been in for weeks on end and do something constructive! I have been reading back over my past few blogs and the tone is so bloody depressing, I was starting to get tired of myself and all this pitious crap I have been espousing. Yeah fair enough to go through a bit of a down spot - we all do at times - but yeah, also time to get the hell out of it and kick on into something new.

And you know, aint it funny how life gives you that push sometimes just when you need it.

As it turns out the impetus for this came yesterday morning when a friend of mine turned up on my doorstep with his backpack and 3 daypacks all filled with his stuff. Him and his dutch wife have decided to seperate for a while because their marriage is… well… fucked to put it mildly. Poor boy, hearing his story has really made me feel for the first time in a long time that my situation isn’t really all so bad, and that there are others out there with very real problems much larger than my own.

This mate is a fantastic artist though, and pretty soon he had his pencils and artist pad out on the kitchen table and he was drawing away. Therapy for him I suppose! The images are pretty intense, but I guess that’s normal for where he is. But as he was drawing my own creative juices started churning. As spliffs got passed around I began to work again on an old screenplay I had been writing, but had shelved a while back for no other reason than lifestyle apathy. It was then, in a haze of blue grey smoke that I saw that the reason I have been mister piss-on-everything is because I am just lacking direction and motivation for something really worthwhile and interesting. I think this is how it is for all creative people; if they aren’t working on something they tend to slip into these depressive states because they don’t have an outlet for all this energy that burns inside of them. It all became so clear to me. The purpose of life is to make our dreams come true!

Well for a lot of people the hard part is working out what your dream is. But not for me. I know that my biggest dream is to become a screenwriter and make cool movies. The other one is to own my own small publishing company, but I see this is being a part of this dream, so they are one in the same essentially. So I made the decision to get back into writing my screenplay and work every day towards becoming a fulltime screenwriter! Because I know doing this is the most worthwhile thing I can do with my life. And ultimately that is what is going to make me really happy.

Anyway, I have started a new blog to outline the beginning of this new road in my life. I’ve kinda fallen heavily in love with this blogging thing, so I want to keep a blog of the journey trying to acheive my lifes ambition. I have no idea what will happen, but at this stage, I don’t really care. All I know, I feel for the first time in fucking ages so full of energy and enthusiasm that this is really something right and good and worthy of everything I am!

God I love days like this. If only you could bottle this feeling and sell it; you’d make a million!

Padwanna!