Mentalechoes

Right well, school holiday is over, and I’m back again!

I figure I’ve had enough time doing fuck all in an isolated bubble. That bubble is in fact my flat with it’s brand spanking shiney new gas heating system! Oh yes funsters, finally the days of living in a nazi style gas chamber (slash) frozen crypt are over. Now my bubble is more aptly described as a luxuriously warm art deco flat in one of the more stylish residential districts of central Amsterdam!

The heater was actually installed not last tuesday, but the tuesday before, so it’s already had its one week anniversary which I celebrated with a long hot shower. True to dutch workmen style, the boys turned up on the dot of 7.30am and got straight to work, no messing about, and not much in the way of explanation of what was going to happen either. Perhaps this was because they didn’t speak much english and my dutch is still pretty rough, so communication was limited. In any case, nobody told me I had to actually put away some dishes in the drying rack next to the cabinet where the heater was, and so they sat there and got covered in building dust while they installed the new unit over a period of 5 hours. Now I may have been niave in thinking the installation of a gas heating system would be straight forward. It didn’t look that big, maybe 90 centimeters by 50 centimeters by 50 centimeters. I thought pop the old one out, pop the new one in, turn it on, and hey presto it’s summer time again. But no! That’s not how it went. 3 hours into it my kitchen had been totally turned into construction zone. These boys weren’t kidding around. As I sat in another room listening to multiple power tools going off, it sounded like they were ripping the kitchen down around the heater as well as ripping the heater out. I stuck my head into the doorway at one point and my mouth fell open to see something I can only describe as ground zero! This is the point where one guy asked me, ‘Can we get some coffee please’? To which I immediately thought, where the fuck in this rubble am I going to make coffee, pal? But I didn’t say anything and went about making coffee for the two of them in the middle of the war zone they had created. I’ve learned from experiences back home in Bris-vegas to keep the workman happily wired on strong coffee to get the best out of them. So as well as I was able I plied them both with litres of coffee and prayed to the gods of power tools that it would all work out. My worry was needless though, as after another 2 hours one of the guys comes out and starts bleeding the air out of the wall mounted heating units in the rooms. I started getting giddy with nervousness at this point. I think he might have noticed too when I started following him around with a big smile on my face. Then the magic moment came when he turned on the new heater and said to me, ‘the heat is on, what temperature do you want the thermostat’? I almost cried real tears at this point. I’m not sure what he was thinking when he saw me drop down on my knees in front of the main living room unit and pressed my cheek against the now warming metal. I wanted to explain to him that this was the first time I had had heating in nearly a year and that I no longer had to fear death by gas asphyxiation ever again, but my limited dutch wasn’t up to the job. I think he may have understood anyway as I sat there making oooooohhhh’ing noises like a happy baby.

I spent the next 5 hours cleaning up because even though the last guy to leave did a good job on the floor, all the surfaces in the font half of the house were covered in dust. I also installed a new shower tap assembly in my shower (because the old ones leaked like a bastard) which prompted cleaning the entire bathroom as well. There is a funny story with the shower assembly as well. I couldn’t find the central water tap to turn off water at the mains, so I thought I could just put the new taps on with the water still running. I gave up on this idea pretty quick when water started spraying off in every direction - even though I had a towel draped over the assembly to prevent this situation - threatening to flood out the two floors below. Eventually I found the mains and changed the taps over. To cut a longer story short. After 5 hours, it was like I was living in a new place; clean, warm and dry. Adjectives you previously wouldn’t have used for my place.

Then I thought to keep the happy feeling going by finishing the week with a new haircut. I wanted something shortish and neat, like Brad Pitt in Seven Years in Tibet. Unfortunately the stylist kinda misinterpreted my hand gestures and broken dutch explanation and gave me a cut like one of the geek boys in Revenge of the Nerds! *sigh*… Well life can’t be too perfect otherwise what would you write blogs about, huh! My consolation being at least it will grow back, and now I know that short hair isn’t my thing.

One thing I have realised now - into my second week of being warm - is that being comfortable at home is majorly important to having a happy life. If your cold as fuck right from the time you start your day, you’re just not going to enjoy anything.

Happy heating everyone!

Padwanna!