Mentalechoes

It’s friday night and I really had the feeling to go out for a few drinks tonight. It’s not like that every friday, a lot of them I am content to sit in and have a quiet one, but tonight I really had the feeling to sink a few beers, maybe have a line or two. It’s been one of those weeks, lots on and plenty of pressure to get releases done to put into the production environment. Being a manager type isn’t really my scene so it was a lot of effort for me because I had to force myself to be responsible. That’s not something that comes easily or naturally, so I have to fake it a lot of times. Fortunately I do a good responsible person impression and managed to pull off getting things done to a deadline, but by the end of the day I was all out of seriousness and I was badly in need of destressing.

I really wish I knew a few more people who liked to have some drinks on a friday afternoon. The crowd I know don’t really seem to do this kind of thing for some reason. Could be time to shop around for some end of the week drinking pals I think. Maybe it might be worth just finding a local brown cafe and becoming one of the regulars. I’ve never been the barfly type but I reckon with my personality I could slide into the lifestyle pretty effortlessly. That’s what scares me about myself sometimes, just how easily I seem to take up bad habits and bad lifestyles. Half of my energy is taken up with trying to keep this inner beast restrained in a place where it can’t run free and cause me to do damage to myself. Why do other people all seem so in control?

This week I’ll make the excuse that I was suffering from an express case of depression; it hit hard on monday, and started to fade by thursday. Largely it was because I let someone down last weekend, and I know it hurt their feelings, and I couldn’t bring myself to apologise. My male ego getting in the way once again. I didn’t want to face having to hear her tell me how she was hurt by what I didn’t do. I have great fear of such things.

I’ve noticed that I haven’t actually been writing much either. I can’t make this a habit, otherwise it’s just one more thing that I let slide in my life and then I look back in six months wishing I had done something constructive with the time.

Now about that drink…

Padwanna!