My kitchen and I

By On April 3, 2006 · 6 Comments

My kitchen and I are currently on non speaking terms. That’s probably because I just couldn’t be arsed to go in and clean up the same dishes that have been sitting there for the last 2 weeks. Dunno why really, I guess I am just going through one of my “disgustingly horrible typical man” phases, as chicks would call it.

We’ve all noticed how guys have this massive tolerance for mess, and girls don’t! I’d like to actually know how that worked out, because as far as I can see, there isn’t any survival advantage from the stone age attributable to living in messy caves. Not that stone age man ever lived alone like modern SNAG man. They paired off early, even earlier than dutch couples, by finding a hot and hairy cavechick, thumping her over the head and dragging her off to a nice cave in the burbs. Strangely enough, the cavechicks probably liked it. That whole mating ritual showed her the caveman was strong enough to hunt down food for her and the cavekids, and so would make a good cavehusband. If he could drag her to a cave, then she was happy, and would most likely set about making a nice art deco home (keeping the natural rock interior design) for them to enjoy. I bet there was even a stone age Ikea somewhere that she would drag him too on a sunday to look at the latest in genuine fake Italian marble floors and kitchens.

For those of you who think this a totally inaccurate depiction of cavemen and cavewomen life, you should watch this fine documentary film for some factual research on the matter!

Getting back to my kitchen, I just can’t find the motivation to go in there and do the dishes. It’s not like I’m a complete man-pig or something though. I don’t live in a total mess, I just can’t seem to find it in me to go in there and roll up my sleeves and actually do anything about the mess that’s in the kitchen. The rest of the flat is okay (seriously). I’m a bit like Withnail right now, out of Withnail and I; sort of pissed off with my place and couldn’t be bothered expending any energy on it. Mind you, even I thought him and Marwood really had to do something about that shithole they lived because it was such a fucking mess. How could anyone let a kitchen get to that point!

Well like everything to do with guys, as soon as the moon shifts phase so will my attitude and I’ll do something about it. Till then, I’ve got better things to do than dishes… like sleep!

Padwanna!

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The My kitchen and I by Mentalechoes, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
 
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  • pippi

    Wow Padwanna,

    Now i understand never saw it this clear after your very funny description of the cave period. Maybe you’re right if a men would pull my hair and drag me all over the place i would be convinced that he would be a perfect partner for me. All the modern stuff like love and sharing interests is totally overrated. thanks for this piece it made me grin. By the way picses is in the moon right now so that means time for introspection, and cleaning things is to practical, allthough you can allso meditate cleaning, well have a good day and talk to you soon, i’m going outside now wonder wich cavemen i will meet today.

  • Padwanna

    Hi Pip,

    Strangely enough, I think a lot of women have this secret fantasy of being captured by a caveman. :) Maybe not dragged by the hair, but definitely captured by a wild caveman type and taken back to his cave and made into his slave.

    Two chicks I’ve known have told me this independantly of each other, so I figure that must mean all chicks secretly have this one fantasy.

    So it sounds like you are something of an amateur astrologer then. Okay right, so it’s good to be contemplative then right now. Well that fits how I feel at this moment… oddly enough. Let me know when it’s good timing for kitchen activity stuff and I will get into it! :)

    Take care and good to hear from you!

    Padman!

  • Brachaloch

    Pad,

    My advice is no matter whatyou think grabbing a random lady by yht hair and draggin her off for sex is going to get you in trouble.

    Trust me.

    I know a lot of girls who say they want this and as soon as you grab a handful of hair and pull they complain

    go figure :P

  • Padwanna

    Hi Brach,

    Yeah I had worked out that things have moved forward since the caveman period, but only barely in Bris-vegas. :) It doesn’t seem to have that same success rate as it did 1 million years. Ahh well, that’s the price of progress I suppose! :)

    On the other hand it is quite good to be able to get dinner without risking life and limb in a death struggle with a carnivorious animal 10 times as big as you. :)

    Hope life is looking up for you old mate!

    Padwanna!

  • Anonymous

    Here’s a solution to your kitchen woes:

    http://3wisheslingerie.com/images/frenchmaid-d.jpg

    You can thank me later.;-)

  • Padwanna

    Thanks Anon for the cool pic. I’ll put it up somewhere to help motivate me for the cleaning jobs that need doing later on! :)

    Padman!

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