Can do, can’t do; and a twist of fate!

By On June 19, 2006 · 7 Comments

I feel a bit bad about a conversation I had with a friend a little while ago. She’s feeling a bit down about some things in her life, and doesn’t know how to sort them out. One of the things she kept repeating at me was “I can’t do it, I just can’t do it”! For some reason, this really got a fire burning inside of me, and I started handing out some rough slap-in-the-face advice, which I now feel bad about.

I guess the way I see life, there’s no such thing as “can’t do something”, there is only a matter of motivation, and having enough, or not having enough. We can do anything we want, if we really want to, it’s just a question of how much we’re motivated to go for it. But yeah, that’s just my personal philosophy, and not much else.

The thing was, she didn’t know it, but she struck a nerve inside of me quite hard, and triggered a knee jerk reaction. All my life, right from a young age, someone in my immediate family told me that I couldn’t do so many things I wanted to do; I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t sporty enough, I wasn’t educated enough, I wasn’t talented enough, the reasons were as many as the leaves on a tree. Living in this shadow I was almost convinced I wasn’t able to do anything with my life except what I was told I could do. But luckily that person left while I was still a young adolescent and other influences, much more positive ones, began to come into my sphere of existence. Still I live with that stigma of negativity from those early days which I have control at times, or I can drown in the fear inside of myself.

As it is now, I live, and have created a life out of doing things that others say can’t be done. A lot of it has to do with a combination of luck, skill, and good timing. The thing is, if you begin with an attitude of “it can’t be done”, then it can’t; all is lost before you have even started. The world can be so many things, but you have to believe and have faith in yourself and be able to set yourself in motion if you are to get anywhere worthwhile.

In a bizarre turn of events, I have just found my own answers to some questions of my future that I have been asking. Maybe this discussion was something fate wanted me to have, instead of her!

Padwanna!

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  • pippi

    He Padwanna,
    Always love your titles, I totally get your motivation in proving them wrong people that makes you feel inadequate or stupid. That’s a good drive but on the other hand it is also a bit the American philosophy that anybody in that free country has the same opportunities, you have the freedom to be what ever you want to be. Yeah sure except if your: black, disabled, hispanic or from an other group that is not in favor. I stronly believe in positive stimulation, but i alsso believe in giving children some sense off reality. That does not mean that i don’t think that people are capeable off a lot. But a good evironment helps, good backround, and a lot off luck and sure nice people around you. Groetjes Pippi

  • pippi

    bye the way, found my opportunity going to work in Brasil in the spring of 2007. Probably for three months in an orphanage in Sao Paolo. Allready want that for 15 years, now i no longer have an excuse off a steady job, no money, no people i know bla bla. I’m really looking forward to that!
    Talk to you soon

  • Anonymous

    The exact opposite isn’t much fun either, alas.
    Having people around you assuming you can do everything because you’re such an intelligent person can put you down very much too.
    *talking from experience* Especially when they expect so much of you it’s hard to let them down, even when you try really, really hard.

    In fact, I actually think that having people thinking you’re stupid is much more motivating than having people think you’re brilliant. Not in the least because it’s a greater satisfaction to be proving them wrong when they think you’re stupid and inadequate.

  • Anonymous

    I despise people with a “can’t do” attitude.

  • Padwanna

    Hi Pip,

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving some thoughts.

    Yeah you’re right of course, opportunities are a lot easier to come by when you’re educated and part of the mainstream culture. If you’re not, life can be very unfair.

    I like you’re attitude with children, I find that an admirable way to get them thinking in healthy ways early on. I could use some of that right now. :)

    Fantastic news about your trip to Brasil, I am really excited for you! That will be excellent fun and so rewarding all at the same time. I envy and admire you for what you’re doing. I hope it all goes the way you want. Well at any rate, you have a while before you go, so we’ll talk some more before then! :)

    Enjoy the rain again and talk to you soon! :)

  • Padwanna

    Hi Anon #1,

    Yes expectations can be a difficult thing to live up to, no doubt. But I don’t know if I totally agree with you there about it being better that people think you’re stupid and feeling good about proving them wrong. I’d be more inclined to show people that I am capable and gain their respect when I meet them, rather than let them get a bad opinion of me by doing nothing.

    But that’s just me. I do like to try to give people a positive impression when they are around me.

    Padwanna!

  • Padwanna

    Hi Anon #2,

    You don’t think despise is a bit of a harsh way to look at shy people. I say shy because I’ve found that it is mainly shy people with low self esteems that generally have a “can’t do” attitude. These are the people that are more in need of a supporting arm from others, and less in need of criticism.

    Padwanna!

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