I don’t think in my whole life I can ever remember such an intense January as this one now, in 2007. The January of the year I turned 12 was pretty close because my family moved from a small country town with only two television stations that started at midday, to a city by the coast where they had cartoons starting at 6.30am right up to the start of school. Let me tell you, that was better than sliced bread, free ice cream and a whole week of christmas days. But even the thrill of getting to watch Robotech before trundling off for a heady day of learning, can’t compare to the last four weeks.
In some ways, I think the experiences of this one month will ripple through my life for the next 10 years. It’s not just the bizarre love triangle that I’m talking about, but also a deeply painful reckoning to do with the man who pretends to be my father. All of it has combined into a single catalytic period of time that has led me to literally change my whole perception and outlook on life, and my part in it.
If it sounds deep, it’s because it is. I feel profoundly changed at some subatomic level of myself. I see the world in a different way. The easiest way to describe it is like walking out of a car crash and seeing your surroundings clearly after being deeply disoriented.
It’s hard not to get swept away with everything that is happening right now. Some days, I honestly don’t know which way is up. But I’m making an attempt to take back control of my life and not feel so much like a leaf blowing around in a very strong wind; always at the mercy of the elements surrounding it. Unfortunately it’s always easier to say than do, but then again, isn’t that true for nearly everything in our daily lives? Right now I’m making an effort to bring my life back to a state of calm after the emotional torrent that has swept me up from where I stood in it’s path. I hope it all works out, but I guess I will just have to wait and see.
I still wonder why though, did it all happen now?
Padwanna!
